7 Ways to Strengthen Your Relationships With Mindfulness (Not Just the Romantic Ones)

Ever wonder how you can have deeper and more fulfilling relationships? Wish there was an easier way to communicate with people without feeling like you’re shortchanging your own needs and desires?

Mindfulness is a great tool for deepening your understanding of yourself. It helps you relate to yourself with more compassion and less judgement. And when you do that, it’s easier to care for yourself in a way that moves you closer to who you want to be in life.

So what does mindfulness have to do with relationships and your daily interactions with others? Whether it’s relating to your partner, mother-in-law, or an irritable colleague, mindfulness can reduce potential tensions and conflicts ahead of time.

Here are 7 practical ways to bring mindfulness into your relationships so you (and the other person) can feel more connected today.

1) Be present with your emotions

Effective communication and rock-solid relationships start with the ability to be present.

Mindfulness means paying attention in the present moment without judgement.

While it’s not always easy to do, being fully present with your own emotions can help you respond to others from a more intentional space. Rather than reacting out of instinct (like yelling or getting mad) when someone does something “wrong,” you can respond more calmly by going within.

Cultivating emotional intelligence through your mindfulness practice helps you deepen your awareness of other people’s emotions. It’s empowering to notice that the negative emotions you sometimes feel aren’t actually yours. You may be picking up on them from others. Realizing this allows you the freedom to let go of and center yourself in your own strength. The more you understand your emotions, the easier you’ll find it to manage them in challenging relationship situations.

2) Recognize our common humanity

Every interaction is an opportunity to appreciate our shared humanity. We all have struggles. We all have emotional “stuff” we deal with. 

What do you think causes others to argue or treat you in a bad way? It could be that they’re experiencing deep layers of inner pain themselves. And maybe they’re not sure how else to deal with their pain but to take it out on you.

So try this in the midst of relationship tensions: take a mindful pause to recognize our common humanity. See if you can feel a sense of compassion for the other person and their pain. This immediately eases the feeling that “they’re out to get me or disappoint me.”

3) Enforce your boundaries

A big part of strong relationships is being mindful of your own needs. The last thing you want to do is tolerate something (or someone) that hurts you. This means communicating your boundaries clearly and standing up for yourself.

Yes, speaking up for your needs and preferences can be scary…even downright terrifying sometimes. Fears that the other person won’t understand or that they won’t love you might bubble up. 

But mindfulness allows you to recognize your needs as you get more in touch with your body and heart. Through building your resilience muscle in meditation, you’ll find it easier to do things that might initially seem scary – but that ultimately benefit you in the long run.

4. Practice mindful listening and responding

When you have conversations with others, how often are you fully present? How often do you notice yourself formulating your next sentence… while the other person is still speaking?

It’s easy to get so caught up in our own worries and mental stories that we forget to fully attend to what the other person is trying to tell us. When you notice yourself zoning out during a conversation, bring your attention back — without judging yourself. Listening without an agenda and with an open heart is key to strong relationships.

When you’re speaking to another, become more mindful of your words. Will your words ultimately empower or disempower the other person? Choose words that speak your truth in a calm and emotionally open manner.

5) Notice what causes tension

It’s hard to fix what you don’t understand. If you continually find yourself struggling with the same issue with more than a handful of people in your life, it might be time to go deeper.

Maybe you find that you never feel heard by those you care about. Perhaps you worry that others are always judging you. Or that they don’t care about you because they don’t meet your expectations.

Consider this possibility with a sense of compassion for yourself: could these be stories your mind is telling you? 

If you feel similarly across many of your closest relationships, bringing awareness to your own thoughts about how others see you can lead to beautiful shifts. With mindfulness, you can observe these feelings from a more detached and less judgemental place. And this opens up the freedom to address or release the stories that don’t serve the relationship you care so deeply about.

“With mindfulness, loving kindness, and self-compassion, we can begin to let go of our expectations about how life and those we love should be.” ― Sharon Salzberg

6) Face difficult emotions with courage

Having tough conversations is difficult. Yet do you remember the last difficult conversation you had and how a big weight lifted off your shoulders once everything was cleared up? 

When tensions run high and you need to have a difficult conversation, become mindful of your natural instincts. These may be to defend yourself, to fight back, or try to make the other person wrong. Notice your own thoughts, feelings, and sensations before the difficult conversation. Then decide how you want to be present in this situation.

And if the other person starts experiencing a difficult emotion, remind yourself that you don’t have to take it on. Simply be there for them without taking things personally. 

Mindfulness helps you cultivate the courage and resilience to have these conversations as you practice sitting with discomfort in your meditations.

7) Learn the art of assertive communication

Take a look at the link below and see where you typically fall when it comes to communicating with others. Do you tend to disregard your own needs (passive) or impose them onto others without regarding theirs (aggressive)?

Communication Styles - Mindfulness.pdf

If you tend to be too much on the passive side, you likely feel resentment. If you’re on the aggressive side, you likely feel frustrated with others. Mindful communication means practicing a more assertive style so both parties win.

If you have to bring up a heart-to-heart conversation to set boundaries, for example, check in with your feelings first. Are you in a clear and level-headed state from which you can hold space for the other person as you bring up a challenging topic?

If you could benefit from more mindfulness in your relationships, join us in the next MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction) class. Mindful and assertive communication is one of the many practical topics we’ll cover. Sign up for a FREE MBSR orientation HERE to learn more about the benefits you can experience.