12 Ways to Cope With Loss, Grief, and Letting Go In Changing Times
The past few years have been especially difficult for many people. Nearly everyone, including myself, has dealt with some sort of loss. It might feel like you’re having to let go of things that once felt safe and normal. Whether you’re dealing with the pain of losing a loved one, facing major challenges in your health, job, or relationships.
It’s hard to hold everything together when life seems to be shifting at the speed of light. So how can you cope and embrace this river of change without overwhelm and anxiety? And just as importantly – without running away from your feelings or the situation?
First, recognize that it’s all part of the process of transformation. One that requires diving deeper within yourself so you can emerge empowered, confident, and resilient.
So whatever it is that you’re struggling to let go of, embrace, or process in your heart, here are a few tools that lean on the wisdom of mindfulness. They’ll help you navigate these rough waters with just a little more ease, calm, and grace.
We start with three key steps to bringing mindfulness to difficult emotions, followed by several quick practices you can use to feel lighter.
1. Mindfully relieve your pain with compassion
While working through the complex emotions that come up as you’re coping with grief or letting go, you may notice a similar pattern. First, you’ll feel the pain, grief, sadness, or anxiety in your body. Next, if you’re like most people, you’ll notice your mind judging you for feeling these feelings in the first place.
While most of us unconsciously judge ourselves for feeling sad, angry, or hurt, this adds an unnecessary layer of pain to an already-existing wound. Mindfulness allows you to recognize the mind’s tendency to judge so you can treat your pain with compassion instead of deepening it.
Cultivating self-compassion is essential for learning how to be with your feelings without judgment. If you’d like to learn how to be kinder to yourself as you embrace change, consider working with a Stress Management Mentor. It can help by providing mindfulness, stress reduction, and self-care practices you can apply immediately. We have a guided Loving Kindness Meditation online that can help you cultivate self compassion.
“Simple kindness to one’s self and all that lives is the most powerful transformational force of all. It produces no backlash, has no downside, and never leads to loss or despair.” — David Hawkins
2. Bring curiosity to the sensations of grief or loss
Every feeling has a correlating physical sensation associated with it. Coping with loss and grief can often be felt directly in the heart. Perhaps it’s a tightness or a constriction as the heart doesn’t want to let go of something that was so dear to it.
Give yourself time to sit with the physical sensations around your feelings as you process the changes going on in your life. One important mindfulness exercise is becoming curious about these physical sensations. Examine these sensations as if you were a child who just encountered a flower for the first time.
Isolate one sensation at a time and examine it from different angles:
What does it feel like in your heart?
What does it look like in your head when you picture it?
The more you look at your feelings through different lenses, the more you’ll be able to feel a greater sense of compassion for yourself.
3. Recognize any resistance to letting go
Letting go is hard. Our brains are wired to hold tightly to things, people, or places that brought us joy or pleasure in the past. Embracing change means recognizing our natural tendency to want to hold and then, through practicing mindfulness, creating the space within which letting go is possible.
This starts with examining any resistance towards feeling our feelings in the first place. Unfortunately, society often looks down on the idea of fully expressing our feelings. We’re told to be strong and to push through no matter what. Yet denying our feelings is an act of fear as we’re afraid of being with our natural biological instinct.
Consider what you’ve been taught about feelings when you were a child. Know that each of your emotions is entirely valid and worthy of being felt, including the feelings of resisting change.
Simple mindfulness practices for coping with strong emotions
You’re now better equipped with the tips above to help you build emotional resilience. But healing is a process. So, here are some more mindfulness practices to cope with the feelings that come up during periods of difficulty.
4. Soothe yourself by stating your feelings out loud
One way to get more comfortable with feeling your feelings is to acknowledge them out loud and with a sense of compassion. You can say something like, “This is hard. I’m not sure how to deal with this right now. But I choose to offer myself kindness as I go through it.”
5. Isolate the narrative from the feelings
Separate the thoughts you’re having about the difficult situation or the thing you want to let go of from your feelings. Anytime you feel regret, shame, blame, or guilt in addition to your grief, it often doesn’t come from the situation itself. Instead it spurs out of the narratives your mind creates around the situation.
6. Untangle difficult emotions through journaling
Take some time to journal about everything that’s going through your mind. Let your writings rest for a day or two. Then come back to see if you can find any disempowering personal narratives or beliefs that may be adding to your suffering. This can help you see exactly why you feel the way you feel and can even help you figure out a solution to help you move on.
7. Question the narrative behind your feelings
If you feel like you simply can’t let go of your worries or stressful thoughts regarding the situation, try questioning your thoughts. Where did they come from? What exactly are you holding onto?
“I didn’t let go of my stressful thoughts. I questioned them, and then they let go of me.” - Byron Katie
8. Connect with others
Going through a difficult time alone can be challenging. While sometimes we all need space to process our feelings, having someone there to support us can help us release pain and embrace change faster. Think of the people in your life who care about you most. Don’t be afraid to reach out to them – they’re likely happy to support you as you go through this.
9. Make extra time for self-care
Taking care of yourself is key to great mental, emotional, and physical health. But it’s even more essential when you’re going through a difficult time. Give yourself space and time to process your grief, sadness, or anxiety in a way that respects your body and mind.
10. Listen to the needs of your body
Is your body asking for more rest than usual? Processing difficult emotions use up a lot of energy. It’s normal to feel tired and overwhelmed. The key is to listen to your body and give it the proper rest and nutrition it deserves.
11. Notice and release expectations
When we want to let go of something painful, we often have expectations of how we think we should feel. So rather than thinking about how hard it might feel to let go, focus on noticing your expectations about letting go first. Acknowledge that it’s ok to experience the process however it comes up. Nobody will judge you for your feelings – so there’s no need to judge yourself or expect yourself to “have it all together” all the time.
12. Recognize the impermanent nature of everything in life
It only takes looking out into nature to see the constantly shifting nature of life. As a flower dies or a tree sheds its leaves, these parts then rejoin the ground in a new form. The so-called “remains” then feed the soil to sustain the roots of life. This is where transformation and new growth happen.
“We all come into and go out of this world as passing gatherings of structured energy.” - Jon Kabat-Zinn
Embrace new possibilities on the horizon
As cliche as it is, without shedding the body of a caterpillar, a butterfly could never become a butterfly. If you’re going through immense difficult changes, know that new possibilities are often right around the corner.
It’s possible to cope with difficult situations in a way that fully honors the wonderful being you are right now, including all the feelings you’re going through. By learning to understand your mind through mindfulness, you may notice that letting go and embracing change can be less stressful and painful.
Hold space for yourself as you go through the process. Every phase you face is natural and remember that You Might Be Crying but You Won’t Stop Trying.
If you want to learn how to feel more relief with proven science-based tools, sign up for Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) class here. Understanding your mind and emotions can be a complex journey, but mindfulness can help you go through it with more ease, calm, and grace.
